I’m so glad I don’t work with this type of person anymore.
Back when I was coaching in person, I worked at a small gym that I thoroughly enjoyed. We had a great group of coaches, a wonderful community and overall I felt pretty happy there.
That is, except when I was coaching a certain type of client: white, cishet, 40-60 year old men.
Shocking, right?! 🤣
This particular type of client acted like they knew more about fitness than I did… even though they were paying me to coach them… in fitness. 🤨
Coaching them always felt like a test. They would ask me questions like, “what’s THE best core exercise to do?!” and then expect me to perform on the spot and please them with the “correct” answer when what I wanted to say was, “that’s a stupid question”.
I think these type of men enjoyed feeling superior to me because they weren’t going to do that to any of the other coaches on staff (the rest of the coaching team were men).
I never realized how much I disliked working with this type of client until after I left in person coaching and started working with only perinatal populations which just so conveniently leaves out one type of client… cishet men! 😀
Now, in case anyone is starting to feel defensive for the dudes, don’t worry about them – there’s plenty of coaches who are happy to work with them! There’s no shortage there.
I did work with many lovely men over the years, who were kind, polite and respectful and didn’t expect me to perform my job a certain way but rather actually appreciated my help and expertise.
… although now that I think about it… these men were usually over the age of 60. Or under 40. 🤭
Another thing I realized once I left in person coaching was how much I tried to “look the part” of a fitness coach.
I was always checking my body in the mirror (because in gyms there are mirrors everywhere 🙄) and making sure it was just “so”. I spent so many years being unhappy with how I looked.
Now I’m in a much less “fit looking” body and yet I’m in a much more content and peaceful place with how I look. Actually, I like how I look now. In this softer, rounder, less strong version of myself.
Because now, I also know that I cannot base my happiness on how my body looks, because how my body looks is constantly in flux. And I’m sure my body is going to continue to change and grow and shift and transform because that’s what bodies do, if we’re lucky enough to be given the chance to grow older.
There’s no one way to look “fit”. There’s no one perfect core exercise. There’s no one I need to prove myself to other than myself.
Now when I think back to that 20 something version of myself I just feel immense compassion for her. The person who thought she knew all the things about fitness and health and yet actually felt incredibly less than and dissatisfied with her appearance for so long.
Our culture praises youth, thinness and whiteness above all else. And while I cannot change that, I can raise my kids to know that they don’t need to perform for others. They don’t need the approval of white, cishet men in their 40s and 50s. They don’t need to look the part.
And I’ll tell you the same thing.
