How I handle food restriction now.

When V was about 6 months old, I cut all dairy out of my diet. Yes, even butter. #crying

Our sweet little baby had been fussy with breastfeeding and our feeding therapist recommended trying it to see if the dairy I was consuming was bothering her through my breastmilk.

This is a fairly common issue with babies and going dairy free while breastfeeding/pumping is not unheard of, but before I could say yes to this, I needed to do a quick gut check because of my history of disordered eating and orthorexia. 

I didn’t eat dairy for years in my 20s (along with grains, soy, vegetable oils, fast food, or anything “processed” 🙄) so I knew I could do it, but I wanted to make sure it was going to be ok for me mentally and emotionally.

Restricting in the name of helping my baby feels way less problematic than restricting in order to change my body’s appearance so I agreed to try it.

Kyle and I made a menu for the week together, he grocery shopped and then a few days later I was ready to eliminate dairy from my diet.

The first day started and… omg was I ever craving dairy! 

And this is why restricting (dieting) is so terrible, right? As soon as we “can’t” have something, it’s all we can think about! 

Had I just not eaten dairy that day but not had the mindset of “absolutely no dairy” it would have been no big deal. 

But because my brain knew I couldn’t have it, I just wanted it so badly! 

And this is because our bodies are wired for survival. It is biologically appropriate to become obsessed with food when we are restricting- whether that be calories, entire food groups, sugar — the list goes on.

After a few days, I bought some dairy replacements, like cashew yogurt and plant based cheese (not bad actually!) and that really helped me to not feel so deprived. It wasn’t such a big deal then, which is what I was going for. 

(Always searching for ease in my life!)

A decade ago, I wouldn’t have used any dairy replacements because they weren’t “clean” and if I’m being honest, I kinda got off on feeling superior based on my food choices. (We'll save that to unpack for another day… 😬)

This time around, I knew adding in some “fake dairy” would help me feel less deprived and less obsessed with food, and I’m so grateful I am at a place where that wasn’t a difficult decision for me anymore.